You Love Your Kid, But You May Not Always Like Them
You love your kid. You'd say that without so much as batting an eye. Hard stop.
And also, sometimes you have thoughts about how you don't like them.
I'm not talking about the polished version of that thought. I'm talking about the real one. The one that shows up on a random day of the week and scares you a little.
I don't want to be around my kid right now.
I'm relieved when they leave for their dad's house, or school, or the sitter's.
I think my kid is being a jerk.
If you just felt your stomach drop reading that, take a breath. You're not a bad mom. You're a tired one.
This is More Common Than Anyone Tells You
Most moms carry this thought alone for months before they say it out loud. And when they finally do, usually to another mom, in a low voice, half expecting to get judged for it, the answer almost never is judgment. It's relief. "Oh my gosh, me too." Then two women who both thought they were the only ones stop performing for a second and just tell the truth.
Here's the part nobody explains: this thought is not really about your kid.
What's Actually Happening
You don't like every person in your life every single moment of every day. Your coworker gets on your nerves sometimes. Your partner does too. That's just what happens when you're around another human being enough. Kids don't get some special exception just because they're small and you love them fiercely.
But when it's your kid, and the thought hits, it feels different. Heavier. Because you're supposed to love this every second of the day, right?
Wrong. What's actually going on when this thought shows up usually has less to do with love and more to do with control. Somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling like the one who gets a say in your own house. The day doesn't feel like something you're steering anymore. It feels like something happening to you, one demand and one meltdown at a time, and you're just reacting to whatever comes next.
That feeling, of things happening TO you instead of you having any say in how they go, is what burns a parent out faster than any sleep loss ever could. It's not that you don't love your kid. It's that you've quietly stopped feeling like a person with any control in your own home, especially with your own child.
That's not a character flaw. That's what happens when a parent is stuck reacting with no plan and no say. The behavior you're seeing in yourself is information, not a verdict.
The Guilt Spiral Doesn't Help
Here's where it usually goes next: the thought hits, then the guilt hits right behind it. What kind of mom thinks that about their own kid. They're only little for so long. I should be soaking this up, not wishing it away.
That guilt spiral doesn't make you a better mom. It just adds another layer of exhaustion on top of the exhaustion that started this whole thing. You can't shame yourself into liking a moment more. You can only get your own needs back on the list.
When It's More Than a Hard Season
Most of the time, this thought passes through and there are still pockets where you catch yourself laughing with your kid, or missing them a little when they're gone. That's the normal version. Hard, honest, but not stuck.
If it's not like that for you right now, if there is no pocket of enjoyment anywhere, if the thoughts don't let up, or if you're having thoughts of harming yourself or your child or of leaving and not coming back, that's not something to carry alone or push through. That's a conversation for a doctor or therapist, not a blog post, and reaching out is the strong move, not the weak one.
What to Actually Do with This
You don't need to like every moment of parenting to be a good parent. You need to feel like you actually have a say in how your days go, instead of just reacting to whatever your kid throws at you next. That's the actual fix. Not more patience. Not a mantra about how fast they grow up. A real plan for the parts of your day that keep blowing up on you, so you're leading them instead of getting steamrolled by them.
If this hit close to home, you're exactly who Bloomstead is for. Book a free discovery call and let's talk about how you've actually been running on empty.
About Sharon Elliott
Sharon Elliott is a parent coach and Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) who helps exhausted parents of toddlers and young children with big emotions learn how to confidently and calmly prevent and handle meltdowns, tantrums, and the daily standoffs that leave everyone depleted. With a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and more than 16 years of experience working with children and families, Sharon brings a level of clinical depth to parent coaching that goes beyond tips and strategies. She helps parents understand why behavior is happening and builds their confidence to handle it in any situation, not just the ones they planned for.
Sharon is the founder of Bloomstead Parenting and works with families through one on one coaching rooted in behavior science and built for real life.
If something in this post resonated with you, the best next step is a conversation. Book a free 30 minute consultation call and tell Sharon what is happening in your home. No pressure, no pitch. Just a real conversation with someone who can help you figure out what to do next.
