Why Leaving the Pool Always Ends in a Meltdown (and How to Fix It): A 3-step exit plan without the bribing, threatening, or yelling in public
Everyone is staring and you wish you could crawl under a rock somewhere and hide. It was supposed to be a fun day. You were hoping for a nice and peaceful summer memory, a day at the pool that would end with worn out, yet grateful, kids. Instead, they are screaming, running away from you, and falling to the ground when you try to take their hand to walk. All because you said it was time to go home. What are you supposed to do?! You can’t stay at the pool forever! The kids need baths, dinner needs to be made, and you need to get inside with some air conditioning! Why does it turn to this every time you say it is time to leave?!
Stopping the fun is always so hard for everyone, especially for kids! Have you ever found yourself at dinner with a friend, enjoying a concert with a spouse, or even lost in a good book on a quiet rainy day and thought ‘I wish this moment would never end’? The meltdown that you get from your kid when you say it is time to leave the pool is the child equivalent to that. Your child is saying, ‘I wish this moment would never end,’ just not with their words but instead their actions.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Well, not every time at least. You don’t have to dread the outing because you know leaving is going to be miserable. You don’t have to hide your face in shame because everyone is staring as your child is the one losing it out loud. You don’t have to bribe, make threats under your breath through gritted teeth, or better yet start yelling in public. Leaving the fun can be a bit easier.
Plan Your Landing
First and foremost, you have to have a plan ahead for AFTER the departure. Where are you going and what are you going to do next? Think about it. Leaving the pool to go home and clean our rooms and take baths?! No, thank you! Transitioning from one thing to the next is hard for anyone’s brain when making the shift. Transitioning from highly fun (the sun, the water, the slides, the friends!) to hard (chores), boring (baths), or even just neutral (the car ride home) can be even harder! Their brain is lit up with fun right now and you're asking them to switch that off and go do something boring.
So, you have to plan for the departure long before it is actually time to leave. Can you plan the transition down from the fun in a step-wise fashion? Maybe we leave the pool (high fun) to go to the car for a ride with windows down and music up (medium fun) and then home to clean our rooms and take baths (low fun). Going from a true fun high to a let down will make anyone say “ugh, but do we have to?!”
The Triple P Transition
That plan should be discussed on the way to the pool so the kids know what to expect from the day. Then when it is time to leave, you begin your three step process known as the Triple P Transition.
Be Present.
When you are approaching ten to fifteen minutes before it is time to leave, go find your child and get next to them. Get on their level, sitting, standing, kneeling. When you are within their line of sight (not above), your child knows you are there and feels your collaborative presence. Take a minute or two to just be with them and comment on what they are doing. You are not giving instructions, directions, or commands here. You are just simply watching their fifteenth cannonball in a row, judging their water handstands, or even talking about their favorite parts of the day so far. You are taking a moment to connect with them and join their world because when we are connected with someone we are much more likely to cooperate and participate with them. And that’s what we want with our child: connection, cooperation, and participation.
Provide a Preview.
After a minute or two of connection, now you have opened the door to be able to speak to what is coming next. We want to get our child’s brain ready to move from high fun to medium or lower fun. This should be a repeat of what you told them on the way to the pool. Tell your child very specifically what they will do next, with the specificity being key. Not just “time to go,” but instead very concrete instructions for what actions they need to take and what comes next, such as:
“In ten minutes, we are leaving to go home. You will need to put on your shoes, get your towel, and we will walk to the car. Remember, we are going home to eat our popsicles and then take our favorite bubble baths.”
Make sure to get an acknowledgment back from your child that they have heard you and that they understand the expectations. This should be eye contact with a head nod, an “okay,” or even repeating back the instructions to you. Think about what works best for your child and how you truly know your child was listening rather than your voice just being background noise.
Prepare.
When stating it is time to go, give your child options so they can have opportunities for control throughout the process as well. You can say, “do you want to carry the towels or the lunchbox to the car?” or “should we walk or skip to the car?” or “do you want the (insert favorite movie) soundtrack or (insert second favorite movie) soundtrack on the way home?”
Once you have stated the expectations with choices, let them know what happens if they choose to cooperate and what happens if they do not. Cooperation is met with something fun and enjoyable (popsicles, bubbles in the bath, a favorite TV show when we get home). Meltdowns, screaming, running away simply do not get those things.
Smooth Departures Start Before Saying “Time to Go”
Summertime is full of so many fun activities, places, and people. We get to relax a bit, let our hair down, and unwind. Unfortunately though, all fun things come to an end and we have to go home eventually. Moving from fun to neutral, or even worse, fun to boring is a hard transition for most children. Using these three steps (plus the proactive plan to have something waiting for after) allows you to prime your child’s brain with what is coming next and what is expected of them, giving them a transition countdown (“ten more minutes,” “five more times down the water slide,”) and allowing them to think through and plan. Now, when you say “time to go,” they aren’t in shock and processing out loud through their meltdown but rather taking action to follow through and cooperate.
Want to Put This into Action?
If this sounds helpful and you want more information about how you can plan ahead for leaving the pool this summer, check out my Triple P Transition Guide. It is these three steps in action and it has a checklist as well that you can screenshot to keep on your phone. That way you have the steps right there in front of you to review and prepare yourself for the transition from the fun summer activity back to the reality of your day. And this doesn’t just apply to the pool. You can use this for the park, the theme park, the friend’s house, the birthday party, wherever!
Go grab it! It is free. It is practical. And it is a good place to start.
Grab the free Triple P Transition Guide here.
About Sharon Elliott
Sharon Elliott is a parent coach and Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) who helps exhausted parents of school-age children with big emotions learn how to confidently and calmly prevent and handle meltdowns, tantrums, and the daily standoffs that leave everyone depleted. With a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and more than 16 years of experience working with children and families, Sharon brings a level of clinical depth to parent coaching that goes beyond tips and strategies. She helps parents understand why behavior is happening and builds their confidence to handle it in any situation, not just the ones they planned for.
Sharon is the founder of Bloomstead Parenting and works with families through one on one coaching rooted in behavior science and built for real life.
If something in this post resonated with you, the best next step is a conversation. Book a free 30 minute consultation call and tell Sharon what is happening in your home. No pressure, no pitch. Just a real conversation with someone who can help you figure out what to do next.
