What I'd Do with My Last 10 Minutes Before Leaving for School: A calm school morning routine that gets kids out the door without yelling
School mornings. What is supposed to be a fresh start and a new opportunity turns into the same old song and dance. You need to get out the door to work and you need to get the kids to school too. You have ten minutes until go time and they are locked into the TV, half dressed, slowly eating breakfast, and haven’t even started to think about brushing their teeth and getting their backpacks. And you? You still have to get your make-up finished, your bag packed, and oh, crap! lunches! You asked them to get ready nicely, you told them “ten more minutes” ten minutes ago, and now you're yelling “get your shoes on, let’s go!” for the fifth time. What was supposed to be a fresh start to the day has now turned into chaos, frustration, and a crappy start for everyone.
This is a common picture of a regular Tuesday morning for most families with children in school. Parents have to get to work. Kids have to get to school. There is a list of things that have to be done and set times that everyone has to be somewhere before being considered late. And no one can afford another tardy on their record! The asking turns to yelling, the nicely turns to frustrated, and the not listening turns to a full blown meltdown. Now, you’re going to be even MORE late than before.
Leaving home for school can be a very difficult time in the morning. Often times, we as parents are trying to get ourselves ready and out the door while also getting our children ready and out the door. As we approach the meltdown, we can often look back and see so many areas where things went downhill and wish we would have done things differently. So maybe you can plan for the next one and actually do something differently? I am going to share what I would do if I had ten more minutes until “go time” to leave for school. This involves three quick steps of being present, giving a preview, and then preparing your child for departure.
The Triple P Transition Guide
Now, the secret ingredient here is actually BEFORE the ten minute warning. Get yourself ready first. You cannot show up and assist your child if you are trying to assist yourself at the same time. You only have so much capacity. While we often try, we cannot control everything at all times. So, help yourself out by getting yourself ready for the day and things packed up to go completely before the ten minute countdown begins. Hair done, teeth brushed, bags packed, car loaded. Now you have freed your hands and your headspace to completely focus on them.
Be Present.
At the start of the ten minute countdown, go to your child and get on their level. If they are standing, stand or kneel next to them. If they are sitting, sit next to them. Eye level is key because you need your child to see you and to know you are there. Before even mentioning that they have ten more minutes and before telling them the laundry list of things that they need to do next, just be present and get into their world. Comment on what they are building with their blocks, what they are eating for breakfast, or what they are watching on TV. I want you to think of this as passengers boarding the plane before flight. We are just getting cozy and ready for action.
Provide a Preview.
After thirty to sixty seconds of connection, now you have the floor to be able to speak to what is coming next. This is the runway before take off. We want to get our child’s brain ready by moving from what they are currently doing into what they will be doing next. Think about it. Do you do well when your boss, spouse, or friend says I need you to do this thing and do it NOW? Probably not! We all need to know what is coming next and have a second to transition our thoughts and actions from now to next. Tell your child very specifically what they will do next, with the specificity being key. Not just “get ready” or “time to go,” but instead very concrete instructions for what actions they need to take, such as “put on your shoes, get your backpack and lunchbox, and go get in the car.”
After giving specific instructions, get an acknowledgment back from your child that they have heard you and understand the expectations. This is eye contact, a head nod, an “okay,” or even repeating back the instructions exactly. You know what is best for your child and when your child truly hears you, so ensure you get what is specific for them.
Prepare.
Now it is time for take off. When stating it is time to move, give your child options so they can have opportunities for control throughout the process as well. You gave your expectations of what they must do, but they can have a say in how or where they do it. This can look like “you can put your shoes on in the living room or by the front door,” “you can turn the TV off or I can turn it off,” etc.
Once you have stated the expectations with choices, let them know what happens if they choose to cooperate and what happens if they do not. You can say something like “the first one to get in the car gets to pick the music” or “remember if we are on time to school all week we get to get donuts this weekend!” The opposite (what happens if they do not cooperate) would be “if you choose not to do what I asked, then tomorrow we won’t be able to watch TV in the morning because it is too distracting.” You don’t have time for time outs and full discipline systems when trying to get to school, but you can still have a follow up as a result of not listening.
So why presence, previews, and preparation?
This is simply a three step process to set you and your child up for success in the morning. When we are present and connect with our child before barking commands, we tend to get cooperation. On the flip side, barks and orders with no moment to build a relationship first are often met with objection and defiance. This is true for us as adults and works just the same with our kids. Then when we take time to prime our child’s brain for what is coming next, what is expected of them, and what will happen when they follow through, we are basically laying out the roadmap for how to succeed. No one wakes up just wanting to mess up or throw off the whole day. Our kids often want to do right, they just either don’t know how or didn’t have time to process and prepare.
One thing you might be thinking here is “this sounds great in theory, but I don’t have time for all of this in the mornings!” I know. You are busy and mornings already feel so jam packed as it is. But you don’t have time for the ten minute (or usually more!) meltdown that you are battling every morning either. If we add in just ten proactive minutes to our typical routine, we can usually avoid the battle on the other side. This isn’t asking for another hour of your morning. It is just saying be intentional about those ten minutes before departure so you can avoid the painstaking meltdown that can (and usually does) derail the rest of your morning.
Want a next step?
If this feels helpful and you want more information about it, check out my Triple P Transition Guide. It is these three steps in action and it has a nice little checklist as well. You can screenshot that to help remind you each morning of what steps you can take to have a more peaceful and prepared start to your day.
It is free. It is practical. And it is a good place to start.
Grab the free Triple P Transition Guide here
About Sharon Elliott
Sharon Elliott is a parent coach and Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) who helps exhausted parents of school-age children with big emotions learn how to confidently and calmly prevent and handle meltdowns, tantrums, and the daily standoffs that leave everyone depleted. With a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and more than 16 years of experience working with children and families, Sharon brings a level of clinical depth to parent coaching that goes beyond tips and strategies. She helps parents understand why behavior is happening and builds their confidence to handle it in any situation, not just the ones they planned for.
Sharon is the founder of Bloomstead Parenting and works with families through one on one coaching rooted in behavior science and built for real life.
If something in this post resonated with you, the best next step is a conversation. Book a free 30 minute consultation call and tell Sharon what is happening in your home. No pressure, no pitch. Just a real conversation with someone who can help you figure out what to do next.
